| Back in Dallas |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|02:22 pm] |
I'm back in Dallas. (Fuck you Denton!) While living with my dad is not ideal, given the size of my graduate student loan, rent free is highly desirable. The move wasn't without a series of very unfortunate events though:
1. Originally I was going to move back before a summer debate camp I worked. That did not happen because the water heater exploded at my dad's and nobody found it for 2 days. The back end of the house was under water for that entire time, so the floors and paint had to all be redone. The project was not finished in time for me to move before camp.
2. I found out the hard way that a twin sized bed frame will NOT fit in a jeep.
3. The 31st, my last day in Denton, with about 5 hours of work to do, I was woken up to the sound of all my power being cut off. Sure enough, the water had been cut off too. Seems when I told the city that I needed electricity and water THROUGH 4 or 5pm on the 31st, that translated into, "Could you cut my power off before the sun rises?" After a 45 min phone conversation with the lovely idiots at Denton Municipal Electric, I faced the reality that I was going to have to do everything else without water or electricity in the 105 degree heat. That seriously slowed things down and that 4-5 hour job turned into a 12 hour job. (Note to come regarding the phone call with Denton Municipal!)
4. On the 1st, after I was all moved out, I went to Target to get some cleaning supplies, pulled my key out of the ignition, and only half the key came out. That's right, my key broke off in my ignition chamber. Joy! It will be Monday at the earliest before anybody can have the parts in. Please don't steal my car.
5. On the 2nd, at 10am I took my car to the shop to find out they couldn't fix the ignition until Monday. I asked my dad about a funny smell coming from under the hood of my car and if the repair guys should look at it and he didn't think so. Then I had to drive to Denton to drop off my key - another separate entry about this. I wanted a burger, and when I handed the lady my card in the Whataburger drive through window I heard a loud beep, saw my thermostat zip into the red, and looked up to see smoke pouring out from under the hood of my car. I turned the engine off, men in hairnets and plastic aprons pushed me into a parking spot, and I called my dad. Seems a hose exploded. When I get my new ignition chamber, I also have to get a new hose and a radiator flush.
Hopefully today will be a little less exciting! |
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| Hope There Weren't Any Cops Around... |
[Feb. 3rd, 2008|07:00 am] |
I don't feel I need to say anything other than I took this picture with my own camera. It does exist. It did not look like there was any sign tampering at this intersection. Looks like a ticket trap to me!
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| The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe Stops Here |
[Jan. 10th, 2008|04:09 am] |
I was going to write a long intro for this, and then follow it up with commentary. But I think that the letter is solid enough to stand alone without much more than this: I got the following letter in my inbox on one of the various social networking sites of which I am a member. It seemed worth sharing. Enjoy!
hi im brandon, you sound like a complete geniouse and very happy. My iq test said i was a genious but whatever. anyways ive got a good heart and i come from a nice home. I love astronomy and pcycology, I like to look at the major articles of gods creation.
I see my parter in life very deeply, or Im not in it for the malications. I want many children and much love. |
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| Tramp Stamps, LLC |
[Jan. 5th, 2008|11:21 pm] |
That's the name of the company I'm going to open if the band thing doesn't work out and I decide that going back to school is a bad idea. It will be a tattoo parlor - tat house? - that will cater to the sluttiest of the female of the species out there. Skater bois can come too. What sparked this line of rambling? Wednesday night's show at a biker bar in Grapevine.
For those of you living under a rock - or who simply don't know me - I manage one of the many DFW cover bands. Ours is better because nobody in the band is old enough to collect social security or a pension check. We use the cover shows to push the original music while simultaneously getting paid. Is very niiice indeed. One of the things we to promote the band is to mingle with the people who seemed to be digging the music durring a set. The average fan falls into one of two groups: business folk, and drunk ass white bitches - DAWBs. This biker bar was busting at the seams with the later. Typically the DAWBs. all run together and don't stand out as particularly memorable. Wednesday was a notable exception.
The second the first set ended a table of frosted tips and pushed up tits waved the band down. They wanted to talk. There were 5 of them. The first was a hair dresser from Decatur, TX who was sleeping with the second's cousin, who was room-mates with the third. Those three were bffs with an older fourth, and all four recently knighted a much older fifth. Fake bakes and Juicy Couture were plenty, meanwhile overall intelligence quotients were on the Forrest Gump end of things.
Conversation started with requests for the band to play "Pour Some Sugar on Me", "Girls, Girls, Girls", and "Cherry Pie". "Oh, you want to hear stripper songs!" I piped up. Silence and then laughter. You could tell they were trying to figure out if I was being critical or comical. But as things often go with me, the two are not mutually-exclusive propositions and I was indeed being both. Their laughter indicated they hadn't considered the possibility of an intersection of intents.
Talk quickly turned to One, Two, and Three explaining that they were from little towns, and Three's mother was 16 when she had her so Three really liked 80s music because her mother was young enough to be hip to it when she was little. (Three is 25ish.) Two laughed and reminded Three of how much fun Three had in grade school when Three's mother would, "...strap her in the backseat, buzzed, and go for rides with the top down." (Two and Three have been bffs for a LONG time.)
At some point Four got up to potty and Five went to recharge her lungs and heart. When Four sat down she did so announcing, "I can't wait until I get my first tramp stamp!"
PAUSE! For those of you unfamiliar with the D.A.W.B.isms, a tramp stamp is the derogatory term for a tattoo on a girl's tailbone. Called a tramp stamp because tramps are the only people who get them. The tattoo is a sort of "bulls eye" for guy when he pulls out to aim for when splooging ejaculate across her backside. MOST DAWBs are in serious fucking denial about what the tattoo implies regarding the elasticity of their nether region and take offense to the term. Not this group of classy DAWBs! UNPAUSE!
One and Three instantly agreed. They want one too. Two asked Four what she wanted her tramp stamp to be of. Four quoted some rap song, and saying the quote took 30 seconds. I'm not sure who she thinks is going to be spending that much time READING the small of her back. Maybe before she gets Future Baby Daddy #3 to toss her salad she figures he'll have something stimulating to read before he goes fishing for chocolate nuggets.
Two seemed to get that the tattoo would be a bit awkward and explained that she wanted something much more simple. A FUCKING CROSS! AH-HA! I'm sure she goes to church every Sunday too. It took the force of a thousand horses for me to restrain myself from asking her if she thought the Baby Jesus would like that very much. One, Three, and Four all agreed that a cross was a good idea. Two explained that she was a very "spiritual" person in that way.
And just in case I wasn't positive that it was my time to exit what I will loosely refer to as a conversation, Five sat down, looked at Four and shouted, "OH MY GAWD! You are wearing Tiffany with Juicy? That's a cardinal sin!"
So yeah. I'm certain that Tramp Stamps, LLC would be a huge success.
Sadly...
kd |
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| I'm So Excited |
[Jan. 3rd, 2008|01:28 pm] |
Two of my favorite things in one video: Saved By the Bell and Religious mockery. You know the episode...
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